7-8 Sep 2010
I woke up around 2:00 PM and took 1 piracetam and choline, and again at 8:00 PM and 2:00 AM. I can't really recall having any kind of dreams. I recorded a video in the evening, and I've been working on editing it. It came out well, but I don't feel quite as motivated or focused on it as last time, though that may just be because I'm a bit tired today. We've all been busy turning the house upside down to clean and rearrange everything before we have guests over. I would have posted this last night, but I was pretty worn out.
I'm still reading about Rwanda (are you tired of this topic yet? Sorry, it's important), and one of the things that surprised me was how little remorse the killers seemed to have. More than anything, they just seemed weary of being in prison, and simply wanted to go back to their basic lives as farmers, as it was before the genocide. None of them were especially tormented by their actions, not enough for it to have much of a significant impact upon them. You get the impression that while they regret doing it because of what it's led to for them, they don't really regret what they did in itself, if that makes any sense. It seems like they haven't learned much from it, and it's easy to imagine that, in a similar situation, they would end up doing the same thing all over again.
Many of them try to come up with various excuses for what they did. They seem convinced that, if it weren't for the organizers urging them on, the people themselves would never have gotten together to initiate the genocide. Joseph-Désiré Bitero, a leader, tried to defend himself by saying he was just following orders, while essentially refusing to recognize that what he did was actually wrong, and received a death sentence as a result. A Tutsi survivor, good friends with Bitero before the genocide, describes meeting him again: "After his arrest, we ran into each other in court and I burst out at him: 'You, you knew everything for a long time and you never gave the slightest warning to save at least my wife! Maybe you even killed her with your own hands in the church.' He mouthed conciliatory words in response, but he dodged the answer." It's absolutely heartbreaking, and all the more disturbing that they're still not quite sorry for what they did.
Anyway, I haven't been noticing any particular changes in mood or mental function or other prominent effects recently. I guess I'll keep working on the next video.
Are you hoping the tales of Rwanda will elicit or resonate an emotional response in yourself?
Hoping? No, that's more or less an unavoidable effect of it. Rather, I'd like to at least try to understand how these things happen, and if possible, how to avert them.
Hey look a genuine troll!! Notice his maliciousness and all around general debauchery. Not exactly a prime specimen, but he will have to do in this case.
The next time I'm in my library I'll look for these books,I found out the hard way it's better to get books from the library than buying them,the one's I've bought just go on a shelf,sitting there forever,unread,while the books I get from the library get read right away,my place is packed,Zinnia you should see it oneday.
"You can never have too many books." :)
Perhaps their apparent lack of remorse is simply a defense mechanism. Maybe if they let the guilt in, they'd be nearly suicidal. Also it's possible the author is cherrypicking quotes for shock value. Just my thoughts.
I think its very possible that prior social environment may have contributed to their desensitization. If you think about it, Germany was already basically pissed about their situation prior to the mass persecution of the Jews. Its frightening how easily almost the entire population just went along with it for absolutely no logical reason. They were just so sick of their situation, they wanted any reason to get out of it. The social climate ripened the people for the atrocities.
I don't know much about it though, so I could be completely wrong.