18-19 Sep 2010
I woke up at 2:30 PM, and took 1 piracetam and choline at 5:00 PM and 2 piracetam and 3 choline at 3:00 AM (before the live show; it didn't help). I was pretty tired after getting up early for the show - which turned out to be unnecessary - but I worked through it anyway. It's funny, I was actually contacted as early as February to see if I was willing to be on this show. We had plenty of PMs back and forth in the days prior, confirming that I would be available at the scheduled time. Even 15 minutes to 7:00 PM, there were people messaging me to ask where I am and if I'm ready to go live. And yet, at almost literally the last minute, one of the coordinators tells me I've been replaced with someone else, and they're moving my slot eight and a half hours forward to 3:30 AM.
This is kind of a problem. I wasn't really expecting that, and I had informed my viewers beforehand that I would be on at 7. (According to someone who was present during the show, many people were waiting for me and wondering where I was.) As I mentioned yesterday, that's basically the point of having well-known YouTube users participate and direct their subscriber base to the event. It's meant to help raise the profile of the fundraiser. I do hope it still got more people to donate, but it can be confusing when things change at the last moment without notice, and nobody knows what's going on. You tell people one thing, then something else happens. Some people told me they had stayed home that night to watch me (this really isn't necessary); others thought they had missed my segment. And if I did bother to make another announcement that I'd be on at 3 AM, who would be up at that hour, anyway? (There were at least 800 viewers at 7, and only about 550 by 3.)
I spent some time after that writing a response to a viewer who had made a lengthy post addressed to me; I think I was able to offer a decent explanation of how my videos can be useful. Afterwards, I distracted myself with the Kindle for a while. By 3, I was getting really tired again, so I took more piracetam, although it didn't really improve anything. Once I was on, I was practically brain-dead, and not adequately prepared to discuss policy and social welfare, higher education subsidies and student loan defaults. Aside from that, it was mostly just people asking me to read aloud questions about who I have sex with, play with my hair and dance for them, and sell my makeup and my feather boa to them. I was pretty uncomfortable the whole time and anyone who was there could probably see that.
I'm starting to think I'll have to make a personal commitment of the unwilling suicide counselor variety: If someone wants me to be on their BlogTV fundraiser, I'm not going to do it.
I'll explain. They had already raised more than $30,000, and they hardly got any donations while I was on, so it ended up not being very important for me to be there anyway. When I'm a part of these things, I usually end up with a time slot in the middle of the night while the rest of my family is trying to sleep (and I get to talk with random internet people who ask me about the guys I bring home). I tell my viewers when I'm going to be on, and then I'm not there due to rescheduling. Invariably, people take the time to tell me I'm a selfish piece of shit for helping to promote a charity. Why exactly am I part of this?
If anything, I'd rather just host my own live shows. At least I can schedule them when it's most convenient and be certain of when I'm going to be on, and there's little chance of being preempted by... myself. When I choose to advertise a charity, I'll just ask people to donate directly to it so there's no way of keeping track of how much has been donated in total, and thus no real weight behind any accusation that I'm just trying to brag about how charitable I am. Either people will donate or they won't - I'll have no idea.
High-profile fundraisers have their place, and they've obviously been effective, but I don't really feel like I have a legitimate place there. It's clear that they'll do just fine without me, and I'm sure others will be happy to take my spot. I still recommend donating to Doctors Without Borders, and the show is continuing for the rest of the day. But, at least for now, I'll be leaving my unwilling-suicide-counselor notice: If you're hosting a live fundraiser, don't ask me to be on it.
Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood after that.
(As an aside, if you feel like sending me money for no reason, please don't. There are better things to do with it.)
There is a good reason to keep track of how much money you raise for charity: you find out how affective you methods are. Although, if you're part of a big fundraiser and scheduled for the middle of the night, I don't think you should take it personally that there were not many donations during your time slot - most of your potential audience was probably asleep. As to those who accuse you of being selfish for publicly raising money for charity - they can go fuck themselves. I live in Boston, and during the summer months, we have a different charity walk/run/race every week. People brag about the amount they raise - they have something to be proud of, and the competition helps motivate other charity participants. In what bizzarro world are the participants being selfish assholes for trying to raise money to cure AIDS and cancer etc?
It sounds like there were a lot of creeps in the audience. Don't take it personally - men have a tendency to think of pretty women (or those who look like women) as if they're just there to fulfill their sexual fantasies. It's pervasive in popular media, which tends to objectify women in order to sell things - products in commercials, or a fantasies in movies. You have to make it clear to those people that you're not there to be their sex prop. Perhaps point out how disrespectful they're being, then ignore further requests.
there are those that do favor the work you choose to do. so no matter what you choose to do, your supporters that want to hear what you have to say will be behind you.
and from me to you, if I choose to send a hundred dollars your way and you don't want me to. tough. I spend my money how I see fit.
but that's just me.
yours truely,
Cuthla
You did your best, and upheld your end of the bargain. Your heart was in the right place. But this just seems to fallen under bad management, and that never goes over well with either the viewers or the participants.
And really, I would just ignore people who criticize you for supporting charities. Wanting to improve the world and people less fortunate is NOT 'selling out'.
Have a good nap, I miss you. I personally have taken a break from the world of youtube and the atheists there...other endeavors occupy me now. But you are one of the very few I do miss seeing often, be it your videos or the occasional blogs like this, or even your personal blogtv parties.
Peace, love, and happiness to you.
~Andrew
(aka Gormanilius)
btw, thanks for responding to me about the Islamic cultural center the other day =)
I really think it was disgusting how you were bumped with zero notice and were given no good reason. No one in charge gave any explanation at the time, or even acknowledged that you were replaced even though you were ready. This left a very bad taste in my mouth. I hope they make some kind of apology, but I doubt they will.
I think that was a fairly dick move on the organizer's part. Sure no plan survives contact with the enemy but at the very least they could have given you some advanced warning so you could get some sleep beforehand, or pushed you back until the same time today. I'm sorry it didn't go well, though I do support you decision to perhaps step back from the live charity shows and instead offer them support from the sidelines. That way you can do live shows on your own schedule, perhaps with links to charities you support in a conveniently placed sidebar? Either way, don't let it get you discouraged.
Stacy
Damn, I'm really sorry to hear about the rescheduling. I wish I could have been there.
I think you doing your own show is a great idea. Do you still do the occasional Blogtv? I haven't heard of one in a while.