Day +1: Review

by Zinnia — 23 September 2010

22-23 Sep 2010

I woke up around 5:00 PM - no nootropics today. I think I got enough sleep, although it was interrupted twice by phone calls. From the same person, who probably should have known better. And then they just had to ask me why I was still asleep (you know, as if I need to be on call for them or something). It seems pretty obvious - if your sleep pattern tends to be nocturnal, and there's nothing you have to be awake for, then why not sleep when you feel like it? Anyway, I was pretty irritated at being woken up for what turned out to be unimportant reasons, and I had to yell a little, although this was while I was still barely awake, so I wasn't exactly fully activated.

I felt much better during the rest of the day, and I'm not really noticing much of a difference without piracetam. I did a video review of the Kindle, which came out decently. I still need to finish editing that (other) epic 15-minute morality video. Now that I'm done with the nootropics, I figure I should follow up on some of the goals/experiments I proposed in the original post:

Reading. I had wondered if it would make me any more motivated to focus solely on reading a book for a couple hours straight, which I don't really do anymore. I believe it may have helped slightly. I did read at least one book (though not the Hofstadter books a viewer suggested - sorry!), and when I chose to read, I did spend more time on it than usual per session. I was finished with it faster than usual. Note that when I say I read one book, my reading habits usually tend toward reading multiple books concurrently, rather than reading one at a time and then moving on to the next one.

Writing. I don't think it provided much of an improvement in this area. I didn't experience much more of an urge to write than usual, and when I chose to write, it didn't seem any easier than it normally is (although it's not particularly difficult, either). Anything I wrote or produced from 23 August to 22 September was created while I was on nootropics, if you'd like to try and spot any differences, but I don't believe there really were any. I did manage to blog on a daily basis, though, and that's not something I've done... ever.

Programming. I didn't get around to picking up Python again, but I did figure out some basics of WordPress and its themes - enough to create the current one by adapting and repurposing another one. Again, this wasn't really any easier or harder than web design and development usually is. I still need to figure out how to change the tag cloud to a list, though.

Memorizing digit strings. Didn't get around to this, either - it was a busy month.

Sleep. My sleep pattern was neither more regular nor any more messed up than it usually tends to be. It seemed like I most commonly managed to get 6-7 hours of sleep per night, which I still think is less than optimal. There were times when I would get only 4-5 hours of sleep per night for a day or two, and then catch up with 8-9 hours on the following day. That's not really out of the norm for me. In terms of sleepiness, or alertness, nootropics didn't seem to help with that. There were those 3-4 days where my typical sleep schedule was completely obliterated, and I think I was about as tired as I would have been without nootropics. On occasion, especially early on, it seemed to induce rapid, vivid, profuse dreaming, so intense that it would wake me up several times during the night, though it was easy to instantly fall back asleep and drop back into dreaming. This was not unpleasant and I don't think this can be attributed to placebo.

Miscellaneous. Near the beginning, I felt like it put me in a good mood, though only slightly. During the times when I took greater than normal doses of it, these effects seemed to be magnified, and it also helped me to think faster in conversation - I was "quicker on my feet". This became less noticeable as I continued taking it. Near the end, I believe I began to experience increased emotional variation (of the not-so-good kind), and possibly even a slight loss of rationality, although I'd have to chalk that up to a lack of proper self-control on my part - I'm typically better at reining myself in before this happens. Much of what I experienced still seems to be indistinguishable from placebo.

All in all, I'd describe its effects as very mild and sometimes noticeable. For me, it wasn't something that made me way smarter, and I don't think that's what it does. I would consider it worth trying if you're interested, though.

Anyway, I should get some sleep now, since there's a reporter coming by tomorrow to interview me (not about the Muhammad thing). I still don't know how anyone from any of the papers around here would convince their editor to run a story about me. It seems very out of the norm. My family is still worried about my "activities" being published in a local paper - as if people shouldn't know about what I do? - so I think I may just present in full girl mode for the duration. Name, attire, pronouns, the whole bit. I doubt anyone will know who Zinnia is, because Zinnia technically isn't. I'll let you know how it goes.

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Day 30: The last day

by Zinnia — 22 September 2010

Followup to: Zinnia on drugs! A nootropics experiment

21-22 Sep 2010

I woke up around 4:00 PM, and took 1 piracetam and choline at 9:00 PM. That was the last one. I think I timed this pretty well - it seems the FDA actually decided to follow through on their warning about selling piracetam as a dietary supplement, and the major sellers appear to have discontinued it (although other racetams are still available). I have to wonder why they would identify piracetam as an item of concern, given that its effects seem to be (in my experience) mostly minor - far less noticeable than, say, a bottle of over-the-counter caffeine pills that anyone can purchase at Wal-Mart. For the same reason, it's not something I can't live without, but you'd still expect there to be a decent justification for them to decide that people can no longer sell it. According to the FDA, piracetam is considered a "new drug" and is "not generally recognized as safe and effective", and those selling it don't have an FDA-approved application to do so. However, this part interested me:

Piracetam is not a vitamin, mineral, amino acid, herb or other botanical, or dietary substance for use by man to supplement the diet by increasing the total dietary intake. Further, piracetam is not a concentrate, metabolite, constituent, extract or combination of any such dietary ingredient. Thus, because your "Smart Powders Piracetam" and "Primaforce Piracetam" products do not bear or contain any dietary ingredients as defined in section 201 (ff)(1) of the Act, these products do not qualify as dietary supplements under section 201(ff) of the Act.

Piracetam is actually a cyclic derivative of GABA, which is a naturally-occurring amino acid. By my completely uninformed reasoning, it's possible that piracetam could be considered a "dietary ingredient" by that definition. (Note that I failed 10th grade chemistry.)

Regardless, this is the reality of the situation, so it's just something we'll have to deal with for now. In honor of piracetam's newfound quasi-illegal status, I suggest we come up with some completely stupid street names for it so clueless parents can worry about this dangerous, addictive drug that all the kids are using. Think "meow meow". (Seriously, what kind of name is that for an illegal drug? They're illegal for a reason, so why not call them something awesome, like BLITZKRIEG?) My top contenders: "Brain juice", "gabber", "Accela" (from Lain), "crop circles", "file", "Quran", or "meth". Let's hear yours!

Meanwhile, I was going to do a video review of the Kindle today, but the lighting wasn't right - can you believe there's really not a single decent place here to just set something down and review it? But that's okay, since I have some more time to plan for it now. I'll certainly try to make it interesting!

Oh yeah, and there's that whole "taunting al-Qaeda" thing. It's funny, I get a little nervous now whenever there's a loud noise outside. At this point, it probably isn't reasonable, since it's only been up for a day and hasn't received widespread attention. I'll probably have more to worry about in the coming weeks. It did get some exposure on reddit, where someone had the gall to compare eating your own smiley-face drawing to punishing all Muslims, threatening them (because they think Muhammad is really important), and even sexually assaulting women. That kind of amazed me, because even if it were meant as an insult to all Muslims, there's absolutely nothing about it that punishes anyone, or makes any kind of actual threat - or rapes anyone, for that matter. It doesn't matter how important your beliefs are to you. They could be extremely important, as important as it's possible to be. A criticism of your beliefs, even very outspoken and forceful criticism, does not constitute an actual injury to your person. And the degree of importance a person ascribes to their beliefs does not define a limit on the level of criticism that the rest of us are permitted to heap upon them. You cannot immunize or shelter your beliefs from counterarguments just by clinging to them very strongly, as the extent of your devotion does not translate to increased validity.

Further, this completely fails to acknowledge how unreasonable it is to consider any person a "prophet", regardless of how intensely you believe this. There are no people with privileged access or greater insight into the divine or the supernatural, because there is no such thing. All such prophets are, by definition, false. (Keep digging, why don't you, Zinnia?) All things considered, this is a really bad reason to say someone shouldn't eat their own picture. Comparing me to rapists doesn't help, either. I did it because it was something that terrorists - violent, deluded, dangerous people - do not want us to do, and want to scare us out of doing. Just because Muslims may also incidentally not want us to do this does not mean that it was therefore directed at them or a criticism of them. If it weren't for the terrorist threats against the people who do this, I wouldn't have done it - there would have been no reason to. That alone should make it obvious that this is a criticism of terrorists, not Muslims.

Anyway, it's been a pretty interesting 30 days, and I would probably do it again, but now I have to see what happens when you stop. I'll keep you apprised.

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Day 29: No going back

by Zinnia — 21 September 2010

20-21 Sep 2010

I woke up at 12:00 PM, and took 1 piracetam and choline at 2:00 PM. I didn't get as much sleep as I could have, so I was a bit tired throughout the day, but it was nothing excessive. Being nervous kind of balanced it out. I recorded and posted the new video, which was pretty stressful. It's very strange to look at a progress bar inching away, and realize that this is something which could potentially explode your life. It seems like an analogue to the concept of Hell: something massively disproportionate that hinges on something so trivially unimportant. It's just that this is actually real. It felt like standing at the edge of possibility. I had wandered into one of those most delicate areas where freedom itself becomes frightening, because literally anything can happen. You can precipitate disaster from your bedroom with nothing but a video camera and some carefully (or carelessly) chosen words. Whether you're Jessi Slaughter or Zinnia Jones, that's all it can take to upend your existence in utterly unpredictable ways.

I still chose to do it. I consulted with friends, almost wishing they would tell me not to. I waited, I put it off for as long as I could stand. It would have been "easier" to just back away and forget about it. But that wouldn't have been right. This was necessary, even if it's dangerous. I can't just shut up and watch this happen without objecting. So I took precautions, made plans, got over whichever part of myself was holding things up, and did it. And there's still no way to tell what comes next.

Ultimately, this came down to weighing the cost of inaction against the possible results. And once I had reached the conclusion that not doing anything would have too great a price, there was no other acceptable option but to do it. After that, anything else became irrelevant - I had to let go of it and move on. I like how Taylor Swift (in)articulated this:

So, I think I should work on a video review of the Kindle. It's probably best to just focus on what's next, act like everything is as normal as it was before, and hope that this holds true indefinitely. It's the only sensible choice.

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Day 28: The night before

by Zinnia — 20 September 2010

19-20 Sep 2010

I woke up at 6:30 PM, and took 1 piracetam and choline at 7:00 PM and 1:00 AM. I slept for about 9 hours last night, and did indeed feel better afterwards. I was happy to see that most people understood what I was getting at yesterday; I was a bit worried that I wasn't making my point as clearly as I could. During the evening, I saw that shockofgod had sent me a video response, so I informed him that as long as he refuses to accept dissenting comments or video responses, I'll just be removing his. When one person decides not to allow responses, there's no possibility of real, meaningful discourse, so there's no point to letting them respond when you can't do the same. I signed my message with a "Hail Satan", because I love messing with fundamentalists who are utterly serious about the ridiculous nonsense they believe. And it worked! Not five minutes later, he posts a histrionic video about me, claiming that atheists are "satanic" and this proves it. I've never seen someone so oblivious fall for something so obvious - and if he isn't really that stupid, he's just being dishonest, which is nothing new. I'm glad I could get that much mileage out of one "Hail Satan".

Later, I wrote the next video, which is honestly one of the few where I've felt genuinely conflicted about whether I should post it. It's not that I'm doubtful about whether it's accurate, or even concerned about how it could affect my reputation or standing in the YouTube community. It's more about the possible impact on my actual physical safety. (You can probably guess which religion this is about.) Regardless, I still feel that this is very important and the right thing to do, and I hope it gets the message across without ending too badly for me. We'll see!

Ave Cthulhu,

Zinnia

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Day 27: Personal growth

by Zinnia — 19 September 2010

18-19 Sep 2010

I woke up at 2:30 PM, and took 1 piracetam and choline at 5:00 PM and 2 piracetam and 3 choline at 3:00 AM (before the live show; it didn't help). I was pretty tired after getting up early for the show - which turned out to be unnecessary - but I worked through it anyway. It's funny, I was actually contacted as early as February to see if I was willing to be on this show. We had plenty of PMs back and forth in the days prior, confirming that I would be available at the scheduled time. Even 15 minutes to 7:00 PM, there were people messaging me to ask where I am and if I'm ready to go live. And yet, at almost literally the last minute, one of the coordinators tells me I've been replaced with someone else, and they're moving my slot eight and a half hours forward to 3:30 AM.

This is kind of a problem. I wasn't really expecting that, and I had informed my viewers beforehand that I would be on at 7. (According to someone who was present during the show, many people were waiting for me and wondering where I was.) As I mentioned yesterday, that's basically the point of having well-known YouTube users participate and direct their subscriber base to the event. It's meant to help raise the profile of the fundraiser. I do hope it still got more people to donate, but it can be confusing when things change at the last moment without notice, and nobody knows what's going on. You tell people one thing, then something else happens. Some people told me they had stayed home that night to watch me (this really isn't necessary); others thought they had missed my segment. And if I did bother to make another announcement that I'd be on at 3 AM, who would be up at that hour, anyway? (There were at least 800 viewers at 7, and only about 550 by 3.)

I spent some time after that writing a response to a viewer who had made a lengthy post addressed to me; I think I was able to offer a decent explanation of how my videos can be useful. Afterwards, I distracted myself with the Kindle for a while. By 3, I was getting really tired again, so I took more piracetam, although it didn't really improve anything. Once I was on, I was practically brain-dead, and not adequately prepared to discuss policy and social welfare, higher education subsidies and student loan defaults. Aside from that, it was mostly just people asking me to read aloud questions about who I have sex with, play with my hair and dance for them, and sell my makeup and my feather boa to them. I was pretty uncomfortable the whole time and anyone who was there could probably see that.

I'm starting to think I'll have to make a personal commitment of the unwilling suicide counselor variety: If someone wants me to be on their BlogTV fundraiser, I'm not going to do it.

I'll explain. They had already raised more than $30,000, and they hardly got any donations while I was on, so it ended up not being very important for me to be there anyway. When I'm a part of these things, I usually end up with a time slot in the middle of the night while the rest of my family is trying to sleep (and I get to talk with random internet people who ask me about the guys I bring home). I tell my viewers when I'm going to be on, and then I'm not there due to rescheduling. Invariably, people take the time to tell me I'm a selfish piece of shit for helping to promote a charity. Why exactly am I part of this?

If anything, I'd rather just host my own live shows. At least I can schedule them when it's most convenient and be certain of when I'm going to be on, and there's little chance of being preempted by... myself. When I choose to advertise a charity, I'll just ask people to donate directly to it so there's no way of keeping track of how much has been donated in total, and thus no real weight behind any accusation that I'm just trying to brag about how charitable I am. Either people will donate or they won't - I'll have no idea.

High-profile fundraisers have their place, and they've obviously been effective, but I don't really feel like I have a legitimate place there. It's clear that they'll do just fine without me, and I'm sure others will be happy to take my spot. I still recommend donating to Doctors Without Borders, and the show is continuing for the rest of the day. But, at least for now, I'll be leaving my unwilling-suicide-counselor notice: If you're hosting a live fundraiser, don't ask me to be on it.

Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood after that.

(As an aside, if you feel like sending me money for no reason, please don't. There are better things to do with it.)

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I bet I can find at least one good reason for what I do

by Zinnia — 19 September 2010

Hi, Aaron. As you've probably come to expect of me, I'm just going to jump right into analyzing some of the things you said.

Your central point appears to be that my videos make no difference - that they fail to influence people's religious views, and are thus a waste of time. You seem to place all potential viewers into two distinct categories: either they already agree with me, making my videos superfluous, or they don't agree and are completely beyond the reach of any kind of persuasion, firmly and inextricably entrenched in their views.

This probably isn't the case. Not all of the people who don't share my views are forever inaccessible and totally unable to be convinced otherwise. Some are, but they certainly don't comprise the entirety of everyone who disagrees with me. There are actually plenty of people whose belief systems, while different from my own, are capable of changing when challenged in one way or another. They are potentially "vulnerable" to that - they have not all placed themselves off-limits to argument.

One case of someone who may be open to persuasion would be a person who perceives that there may be something not quite right about their religion, and harbors some primordial doubts about it, but lives in an environment where their culture and even their own life has been thoroughly infused with religion, to the extent that actively rejecting and leaving their faith is unthinkable. These influences may deter them from further pursuing any doubts they may have, and they'll instead simply "go with the flow" as their family, friends and culture expect of them, remaining observant of their religion. They may not even be aware that outright nonbelief is possible, let alone capable of offering a more richly developed and satisfying outlook on life than their current faith. Exposing such people to the atheistic worldview can open doors for them that they might not have even realized were there.

Another example would be the people who simply don't think very much about the religion they follow. If it's something they've always been a part of, they might not have contemplated the possibility that there are other religious views available, or that they could be wrong. Some people really have just never considered these things, instead operating on "autopilot" for a large part of their lives without critically examining their own beliefs. In this case, there could definitely be certain arguments that might make them think about their religion in ways they never have before. It's quite possible that such people can have various different "threads" hanging from the sweater of their beliefs which, when pulled, kickstart the process of unraveling the entire thing. Some people really do have weak spots in their belief systems that can be targeted by specific arguments.

In essence, there is still a movable middle here of people who, while religious, can be persuaded to change their views. Religion is not always a fully-enclosed, impenetrable and unfailingly self-reinforcing system for everyone who believes in it. For instance, I've received numerous responses from Christians and other nonspecific believers who acknowledge that I have good points, even if they don't fully share my views. There are also many atheists who were previously religious, but eventually settled on atheism because something happened that helped to change their beliefs.

You said that, if someone is capable of becoming an atheist, they can "get there on their own" without our assistance, and that they can only "see it and realize it for themselves". But not everyone truly is capable of reaching these conclusions on their own. It isn't an inevitability; simply being capable of arriving at a position of atheism does not mean that one necessarily will. Individuals are not fully complete, independent and self-reliant fonts of rationality unto themselves. By sharing our ideas, we fill in the gaps in each other's abilities, the different areas that were missed and left blank by our varying faculties. Outside perspectives are valuable because they present ideas that people may not have realized or discovered by themselves - or it may have taken them a much longer and circuitous route to get there. So, while you maintain that "if someone’s smart enough to connect the dots, they’re going to do it with or without your help", we can still accelerate this process by smoothing the path ahead of them. Even if they are smart enough to connect the dots - and I certainly hope they are - they could nevertheless benefit from having the dots clearly pointed out, in the form of pre-digested and easily accessible arguments. They aren't equally obvious to everyone, even among potential atheists.

You are right to point out how important it is to reach people as early as possible and provide them with the intellectual tools to recognize, resist and reject religious belief systems. Prevention should certainly be a significant component of atheistic outreach. But religion, once acquired, is clearly not an incurable condition. These people are not forever lost, and it's just as important that we try and reach them as it is for us to keep religious belief from taking hold in the first place. Not all of them can be written off, because there is a real possibility that some of them could change their views - given the proper approach. It would be foolish to ignore all of them as hopeless when many may not be.

So, am I really making no difference here? Is it true that "no number of YouTube videos will win people over"? I don't think so. The format in particular lends itself to easy, widespread dissemination of ideas and arguments. YouTube is an immensely popular platform, and there are many people who prefer to simply watch videos as a "passive receiver", rather than having to actively read something which requires greater effort on their part. Perhaps unfortunately, video can be more popular than the written word, and it appeals to a very different kind of audience. I consider it worthwhile to present my views to them, because I think it's possible that they could find it helpful, and it could ultimately effect some kind of positive change in their beliefs. Posting videos also makes it simple for viewers to share them with their own networks of acquaintances, and expose more and more people to these ideas. In this way, it can take on a life of its own, and grow into something more than I could accomplish alone.

Are there "better battles to fight" than this? Quite possibly - I certainly wouldn't doubt it. But religion is still a very important one. Working to reduce the prevalence of religious belief and observance holds the promise of, in turn, reducing the problems it causes, and that is not a minor issue. If this can realistically be achieved, it's worth fighting for, and I hold that my efforts can be effective in influencing people's beliefs here. While it's obvious that the unreachable people are unreachable, not all people are. And the ones who can be reached, should be.

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Day 26: It's like living in the future!

by Zinnia — 18 September 2010

17-18 Sep 2010

I'm not going to bother trying to figure out when I woke up, because my sleep was scrambled beyond recognition today. Anyway, I took 1 piracetam and choline at 8:00 PM and 3:00 AM, and I had a pretty great day overall. Some thick-headed person asked me why my blog is always about what supplements I'm taking, reports on my patterns of mood and activity, and so on. Well, if you haven't been keeping up, I'm conducting a non-rigorous unscientific experiment wherein I try a certain drug for 30 days and (subjectively) observe its effects to see what it does. Other people have expressed their interest in this, so I provide daily updates on how things are going. It's also been a fun challenge to find something new to write about every day for a month. I've personally heard from people who really enjoy reading my drug logs, so obviously someone's getting some use out of this. Essentially, my blog is a place for people who enjoy reading my blog! And if you don't enjoy reading my blog, I'm not sure why you would be reading my blog, but I admire your tenacity! Back to the substances, I'm going to cut down to 2 a day for tomorrow and the day after, and then 1 a day for two days after that, and the project will be concluded (with a daily followup for the week after to keep track of any residual effects). But don't worry, I'll be sure to provide a comprehensive report summarizing the experience!

I also posted a video tonight to promote dprjones' MSF fundraiser - I'll be on later today - and, to the surprise of no one, there are once again people in the comments who just really hate raising money for charities. In fairness, it's not exactly that they think charity itself is bad, just calling attention to charities, encouraging people to donate, and organizing events for publicity. Apparently we're just attention whores who only want to be seen being charitable for our own nefarious purposes. Or something like that. What interests me about this perspective is that it leaves absolutely no way for atheists to win, whatever they do. If we don't give to charity, we're being uncharitable. If we do help charities, we're being selfish. Does this mean we're supposed to be more like those virtuous folks who are too good to identify as atheists, and simply not do anything for charity? Would that be an improvement?

Another significant angle they've failed to appreciate is that well-known atheists leveraging their audiences really is an excellent way to encourage people to support important causes. If I have 22,000 subscribers, it would almost certainly be better for me to call on them to support a charity than to not do so. And even if this were motivated only by my own purely selfish desires to be recognized as a charitable person, this may be one of the best and most productive manifestations of selfishness that's possible. If feeling good about yourself is what gets people to support charitable causes - and, in many cases, it really does - then this is absolutely something to take advantage of! Appeal to someone's selfishness and ego, and it can be turned into a genuine good. If anything, they should be glad that we're allegedly so self-obsessed that we can be exploited to direct thousands of our followers to real, important charities.

All that aside, I also got my Kindle today! This is one of the coolest devices I've ever used. The "screen" is made of a fascinating and almost unnerving material. It isn't backlit, yet it doesn't need to be. There are just areas of blacker or whiter coloration, without any illumination. It actually is somewhat like a real printed page. When exposed to brighter light, it becomes more readable, not drowned out. Only direct sources of light produce some glare on the matte screen, but in diffuse light, it looks completely "normal". It remains just as visible when viewed from extreme angles. The "page" is just really, really interesting to look at - sometimes it's difficult to tell it apart from paper. The difference is... it's paper that changes as you watch! The page turning effect is especially trippy: it flashes to black for a moment before re-drawing the next page. It's like seeing the "ink" move. If I sound effusive, it's because I've never seen this in action before. When it switches to sleep mode, it just changes to a picture of Jane Austen or something (so people will think you're well-read). Apparently the screen doesn't draw any power once it's set in one configuration, and it's supposed to last for a month on one charge if you turn the wireless connection off.

Physically, it's a remarkably thin machine, and very light - lighter than most any book. It's very comfortable to hold, not heavy enough to be tiring, and the right size to fit in your hands (or mine, at least). It's definitely less unwieldy than real books tend to be. As for the technical side of things, I've been having fun figuring out the best way to format PDFs for it (OpenOffice.org Writer's Export PDF feature is great for this). You can have them sent directly to the device by emailing them to your Kindle address, or have Amazon convert them to the Kindle format, but I've noticed that tends to wreck the formatting - indentation, spacing, it's usually not pretty. On the other hand, if you use unconverted PDFs, none of the options to change the text size are available, and the only way to enlarge it is to zoom in and manually pan around the page. A lot of PDFs might have text that's too small to be readable with the Kindle's screen size, but switching the screen to landscape mode can make this easier. If anything, make sure to set the font to an unusually large size before making a PDF, so it scales down well. I also usually have to set the contrast to the darkest with PDFs, or the text seems too faint. For some reason, it likes to vertically center pages that don't contain a full page of text, and that's kind of disconcerting. Right now, I'm trying to find some better serif fonts that will be easier to read, but I've noticed that even single-spaced Times New Roman with no justification is still very legible and usable. It was really easy to just fall into reading it like a real book and forget it's on a machine.

It also has a very basic web browser, which I've been using to read fanfic and the comments I get on my videos. The screen does refresh a lot when loading elements of web pages, and the layout is often oddly crunched, or the text will be too small. The browser has an "article mode" that formats it more readably, though. It obviously isn't meant for any heavy web browsing, but it is usable.

Overall, I'm still figuring out some of the quirks, but it seems like a great device for reading, and at a good price. It's taking me some time to get used to the idea of picking up something that's multiple books and reading from it, rather than the typical paradigm of grabbing one book that contains just one book and reading it. If this is the kind of machine you think you might find useful, I definitely recommend getting one. 4/5.

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Day 25: Motivation, anticipation

by Zinnia — 17 September 2010

16-17 Sep 2010

I woke up at 2:00 PM and took 1 piracetam and choline, and again at 9:00 PM at 4:00 AM. I actually got 9 or 10 hours of sleep last night, and I've been feeling really good today. I'll have to wake up earlier tomorrow, since my Kindle is apparently on the way here and I can't wait to get my hands on this thing. I recorded, edited and posted a new video tonight, which most people seem to like so far. It wasn't a very deep one, though. I'll continue editing the next big one, and put together an announcement for dprjones' fundraiser tomorrow. I've also been listening to The Birthday Massacre's new album, "Pins and Needles", which is amazing. All of it is great and none of it sucks. You know how you usually expect albums to have some good songs and some that are just average? This is pretty much awesome all the way through. It took a little while for their previous albums to grow on me after I first heard them, but this was immediately enjoyable. Maybe it's because they all sound more or less the same, but that's okay, because it sounds good. I would totally recommend it. If you haven't listened to TBM before, go check it out!

One thing I forgot to mention was that a reporter from a local paper recently contacted me and expressed interest in doing a story about me. This kind of surprised me. I tend to draw in a diverse, but sparse crowd from around the world, and I never really expected the local area would care much about what I do. I guess it's passed some threshold of notability, though, and that's okay. I do live in a town that already has an office of the Illinois Family Institute and a fake "abortion" clinic meant to convert people (they have their own float for our parades). I figure I might be able to provide some balance. Of course, I have no idea what angle they're going for here, or if there will be sufficient space for them to accurately represent my views and motives. My family is a bit concerned about my name getting in the paper for this, but I practically dropped off the face of the earth for about five years after I left school, and I'm pretty sure most people have moved on and won't remember me - or, by now, even recognize me. I'll let you all know how it goes, and maybe provide some scans if possible.

I did manage to find something else to severely bother me today. The cartoonist who started Everybody Draw Mohammed Day has been forced into hiding with a completely new identity after Anwar al-Awlaki issued a fatwa calling for her assassination. Al-Awlaki is believed to have inspired a number of high-profile Islamic terrorists, to the extent that the US government is now willing to have him illegally killed on sight without trial if the opportunity presents itself. Think about this. She just drew a damn cartoon, one which did not even contain Muhammad. She's now forced to live in secrecy and fear, in the United States of America, because this religious pyscho is actually ordering his followers to kill her over a cartoon that offended his delusions. This is insane. Everything about this situation is like something out of a satirical dystopic fantasy. The very point of Everybody Draw Mohammed Day was to not be scared out of expressing ourselves by threats from religious extremists. Yet this is exactly what could happen again if nothing is done to show that this is still absolutely unacceptable.

So, I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to do something very stupid, and inadvisable, but necessary. Someone has to, for the same reasons we drew Muhammad in the first place. I'm also pretty irritated by the inordinate attention being given to an Australian lawyer who smoked a page from the Qur'an and posted it on YouTube. This is actually worldwide news now. Someone set a piece of paper on fire, and this is treated as a major story. I can barely comprehend how something like this is even remotely notable, but I am interested to see what will happen once I do what I'm planning to do. If anything, I'll be sure to call out the media and ask if they'll run a thousand stories on this, too.

The coming days may be very interesting.

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Day 24: Not that much going on

by Zinnia — 16 September 2010

15-16 Sep 2010

I woke up at 3:00 PM and took 1 piracetam and choline, and again at 9:00 PM and 3:00 AM. I would have posted this last night, but I was pretty tired and had a persistent headache, so I went to sleep early. I still felt alright for most of the day, and in a good mood. I don't really have much to talk to you about today! This is more of an obligatory update than an interesting-for-you-to-read update. I'm still settling back into the usual groove of sleeping whenever I want to, not really having to go outside very much, the typical way of life that I'm accustomed to.

I was planning to record the next video last night, but I didn't get a chance to, so I spent some time editing a long video that's still in production, and working my way through Zendegi. I did find something during the day that I just had to write about, as you probably saw. It disgusts me how reluctant people are to take action in the face of obvious problems, just because of prevailing societal bigotry. Even if you hate gay people, that doesn't make it more acceptable to let gay students be bullied without interference. Just like how if you disagree with religion, that still doesn't mean you can ignore it when religious students are bullied. I'm seriously concerned about how easily people can make a leap from "I don't like these people" to "they have less worth as a person than any other human being and deserve no protection from whatever might happen to them". That isn't right, and I wish more people could realize that.

Anyway, I'm going to be on dprjones' BlogTV fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders (MSF) this Saturday at 8 PM Eastern/7 PM Central. I suppose I should put together a video to publicize that. He's featuring some awesome people: James Randi, PZ Myers, Matt Dillahunty, philhellenes, Laci, AronRa, AndromedasWake, Peach, Criss, Darkmatter2525, NonStampCollector, Liberalviewer, FactVsReligion, and lots more. It should be pretty interesting. I hope you'll stop by and donate!

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When neutrality isn't right

by Zinnia — 15 September 2010

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." -Elie Wiesel

This July, 15-year-old Justin Aaberg of Anoka, Minnesota committed suicide after he was bullied at school for being gay. Following his death, many students have spoken up about the prevalence of anti-gay harassment at Anoka High School, which the staff have failed to address in any meaningful way. This is due to the school board's policy, which states:

"Teaching about sexual orientation is not a part of the District adopted curriculum; rather, such matters are best addressed within individual family homes, churches, or community organizations."

As a result, teachers are reluctant to do anything to stop homophobic bullying when they see it, not knowing whether this would contravene school policy. The district's excuse for this is unbelievable.

"It's very difficult. We have a community that has widely varying opinions, and so to respect all families, as the policy says, we ask teachers to remain neutral," said District Spokeswoman Mary Olson.

How is it that respecting the opinions of bigots can even be given the same weight as preventing harassment in schools? Why are both homophobia and promoting basic respect and equality reduced to simple "opinions", as if they should be treated as equal in merit? Working to make schools a safe place for every student is more important than catering to the community's prejudiced attitudes. Their biases do not need to be respected at the very real expense of children who are being bullied. No student should be forced to bear the personal cost of someone else's bigotry. Period.

In a situation like this, where concrete harms are being ignored just to satisfy irrelevant and outdated hate that has no place here, a position of "neutrality" is nothing more than the most repugnant neglect. It is a pitiful failure to ensure something so basic as the safety of all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. There is no conceivable moral argument whereby the safety of LGBT students can legitimately be sacrificed just to make homophobes more comfortable in their prejudice. Never.

Fortunately, the district seems to have recognized that they may have screwed up here, and they're making some changes:

Olson said the district doesn't tolerate bullying and expects staff to stand up to it, but does acknowledge it happens to gay and lesbian students at school. She said the schools are adding some new training to their anti-bullying policy, which is currently seven years old.

Teachers will get a new training on sexual orientation and harassment. Every student will also be shown a video to lay out what that might mean.

This is a good start, and a necessary step toward handling the serious problems at their schools. When homophobic bullying becomes prevalent, there need to be specific policies geared towards counteracting that. Other schools should learn from this and work to prevent this indefensible anti-gay harassment before it can claim more lives. Anything less is a stark abandonment of fundamental moral duty, and the stance of "neutrality" becomes the utmost irresponsibility.

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